It’s unlikely that someone lives a life that betrays the story they tell themselves.
That’s why we are so good at justifying our short-comings. Because we see the world through our own lens and not someone else’s.
There really is no such thing as the correct lens to see the world. There’s only what we think others should live by.
Hard work is seen by the amount the weight you lift. The heavier the load, the harder the work.
But what if you simply asked for help and found a few volunteers to lighten the load? Does that mean you worked less than the person that insisted on doing things by themselves?
What about time? If you are able to do a job in eight hours by yourself or if you are able to assemble your team and break the project into parts and finished in two; are you not working just as hard?
We have to redefine hard work. The difficult, hard and scary work of our day is the one who figures out how to assemble the others.
It’s emotional labor.
Emotional labor means this might not work and I am still going to put ___________________ (money, time, status) on the line to see what happens next. Emotional labor means facing rejection, possibly over and over again.
Sure, it is a lot more comfortable doing things alone but let’s not pretend that there isn’t a more efficient way to go about our business either.
(We choose to work alone because of the story we tell.)
They say there are two seasons in Utah.
Winter and Construction.
With so much construction it’s easy to tell ourselves a story of inconvenience.
“Why are they telling us to slow down when there is no one working?”
“Why go this way instead of the other way?”
It turns out, most policies and procedures are not made to inconvenience you, it’s just they are not thinking of you.
They weren’t thinking about how you were running late for work or if you have to drive an additional three blocks.
No, they were thinking about protocol. They were thinking about OSHA. They were thinking about getting through this road so they can start the next. They were thinking about impressing the boss.
While we think we are the center of the universe, we forget that we are not the center of other people’s universe.
Yet, when we start putting other people in the center, that is when we can start solving real problems.
Let’s be clear, we have to learn.
If we stop learning, we stop going.
On the other hand, learning is nothing without action.
You have to do something.
Otherwise, what’s the point, really?
Do.
Do!
Recently, a parent ask me How do you recognize when you are becoming prideful?
It’s important to see that with every interaction our status is always moving up or down.
How we choose to play those status roles is based on the internal dialogue we have of ourselves and others.
We are amplifying a story.
Shame sounds something like, “I am a mistake” or “I am a failure”. When we receive a compliment, we immediately put ourselves down.
While pride, subtly discounts the efforts of others while lifting our own. “It’s no big deal” and “It’s just one time”.
It’s everywhere.
The question isn’t How do you recognize when you are too prideful? No, the question is, How are you keeping score?
Did you help someone do something they could never do on their own?
What kind of important, scary work are you doing that might fail?
What are you doing to matter?
In other words, are you playing the infinite game?
Because if you are playing for awards, accolades, recognition, reassurance, title, paycheck, artifacts…you are playing the wrong game.
If the foundation is off, everything else is out of order.
The mistake isn’t when we spill milk.
Everyone spills milk.
The mistake is when we choose not to do anything about it.
(Of course, I am not talking about spilling actual milk on the floor.)
When you have to make a lot of decisions, the ability to make decisions goes down.
The harder the decisions you have to make, the amount of decisions you can make goes down too.
This is the crux for anyone challenging their status quo.
The good news is, that when you have to make fewer decisions (that are particularly easier to make), you keep enough willpower in reserve to change things.
[I often talk about investing in freeing up time but what I am really talking about is freeing up cognitive load to unlock more willpower to do important work you were meant to do.]
When the system is not working, are you willing to abandon it?
Unfortunately, most of us choose to resuscitate it before completely abandoning the path we have chosen.
Why?
Because sunk costs are hard to confront.
We’ve spent so much time, energy, money into a project, we’ve grown so attached to a specific outcome.
When the system isn’t working, it’s worth asking:
Does putting in more time/energy/resources/capitol make this better?
It’s cheaper to recognize when you are defeated.
In 1987, Ellen Langer published a research study about the power of the word “because”.
That simply using the word because dramatically improves compliance.
“Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I use the xerox machine?” (60% compliance)
“Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I use the xerox machine, because I have to make copies?” (93% compliance)
“Excuse me, I have 5 pages. May I use the xerox machine, because I’m in a rush?” (94% compliance)
This is what 200 years of the industrial education complex has created—compliant cogs to fit into a system.
Interchangeable parts and interchangeable people.
Why do you think there are so many self-help books on the subject of finding your passion?
It’s because (see I just used it there) we are not used to leading. We are used to asking, “Will this be on the test?”
And so, when we leave school many are left asking, “Where should I go? What should I do?”
There are many answers. Waiting to be told what to do next isn’t going to help us get to the places we want to go.
Is working through this false notion that we are all static.
The fact is, people are much more elastic than they think.
We can adapt, we can grow, we can stretch beyond what we can imagine.
Change is possible.
We lack so much faith, but it’s possible for ordinary people to do extraordinary things.
Josh Allred's Blog 