Josh Allred's Blog

There’s a fine line between the two. We often confuse what it is we are trying to accomplish.

In these emotionally charged conversations it can be easy to think an apology will fix what’s wrong. But when the thing that hurts is rooted deeper, it is often so messy it can’t be fixed. The person is really searching for a way to accept the circumstances they are in.

This is difficult to do because the relationships that this affects the most, one party may not see it.

Reconciliation is the better path. But it isn’t always an option. And that’s where we get stuck.

Not everyone wants the same thing or can even put the words to it.

Coincidence are true but hard to believe because of the story we tell ourselves. We don’t say we are that lucky all the time. Once again, our vision doesn’t match the data of what’s possible.

Everyone acts rational. According to their rational, which isn’t your rational. That’s what makes relationships with spouses, friends, and coworkers so difficult to cultivate. We all operate at different spaces.

Act accordingly.

Then when?

Tomorrow turns into the next day.

And the next.

Until one day life is behind us.

Yesterday is always the best day to act.

Today is the next.

Tomorrow could happen.

Maybe.

But why chance it?

The beauty of Saturday Night Live isn’t that it’s perfect. It’s that its Saturday and the show must go on. Despite any mishaps or mistakes along the way. For some reason, we have forgotten this is sports. Mistakes happen. People see things differently. As a result, it introduces a level of chaos that makes it unpredictable and fun.

Watching the NBA my whole life, one of the worst changes we see now is the five minute long coaches challenges. It’s awful from an entertainment standpoint. And it changes how the game is played. For instance, all games we call the ball are not off the last touch (unless it’s obvious) but who hit it which direction when two players get a hand on the ball at the same time. We don’t get a replay each time. Instead, the referees make a judgement call and check ball. They are not always right. That’s the point.

It’s a feature not a bug to be human. Close enough indeed works.

The difficult layer of parenting is how easy it is to judge ourselves based on the performance of our child. We compare. We worry that one behavior may lead to a string of things down the road. It’s natural. But that guilt and shame rarely makes us better. Outcomes are separate from decisions and effort. We can make all the right decisions and put in the max amount of effort and still not reach the desired results. That’s how life works most of the time. Not like we plan.

There is so much noise in the world today. Perhaps, it has never been noisier. It’s fair to want to listen and stay informed of what is going on. I wrote many years ago about the idea of allowing yourself 15 minutes per day to read the news. Today, that is perhaps more true now more than ever. Otherwise, it’s just gossip we are glued to.

(Recently, I started giving NPR’s Up First. Other publications have been doing this for a while like Apple News or New York Times but this is by far my favorite I have listened to. Highly recommended.)

Recently, I’ve made the switch from Apple to Android. And I cannot tell you how frustrating a process it has been to detach from Apple products. I’m 10 days in and still not finished. Grant it, there is 10 years of cleanup/digital debt I am paying the price for. But it makes me think about what kind of company one really embodies when you try to leave. While it’s difficult to leave any system that locks us in, we also remember and it’s the reason why we don’t go back. It’s a reminder to any corporation out there to simply let go of your customers.

At the moment, AI can write stellar code. And it is only getting better. But as the sourcors apprentice knows, having the wand and the incantations isn’t enough to do a spell. With having so much opportunity at are finger tips, it is tempting to sit back and wait to be told what to do next. But the better move is to cease the opportunity right before us. There has never been a better time than to learn to code than today. But just cause the bar has been lowered, it doesn’t mean it has been removed.

Curious folks will ask what’s wrong and not get mad at the other person’s response. Defensive people brace for impact.

Nothing is inherently wrong with either approach. Sometimes you do need to defend yourself. Over time, however, it is easy to turn our insecurities into other people’s insecurities. Mudding up the waters of what is actually happening.