That’s not a natural motion. Then how come we end up facing the same problems over and over again? Perhaps the reason is because we actually haven’t figured out the solution yet.
A person who struggles to listen will continue to interrupt others.
Striking out of interviews without the right credentials is skipping steps.
The examples are endless. Find the source of your problems and solve them.
And our moods are generally good. Even if the results are not in our favor, we have taken away the anxiety of not knowing what happens next.
That tension of the unknown causes so much inner turmoil. The tension can cause us to panic and make decisions we normally would not make.
The thing is, no matter how much we plan, plans change. Things happen. Constantly. Unexpectedly.
Instead of relying on the plan, we can put our faith in ourselves to solve complicated problems when we invest in a more resilient system.
Stand still conversations are a tug-o-war over identity.
Think of the story each of us tell ourselves about our gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, tribe, religion, politics, citicenship, education, wealth, title, status…
Which identities raise us and what happens when they are threatened?
The problem we face is we can’t stop arguing over our identities. Wasting time when we can instead be working to solve the problem.
Not just any line. I’m talking about the limits.
We know where they are. The imaginary boundaries we set for ourselves. The limits we think we can’t push past.
Yet, sometimes we muster enough courage to cross the line. And then we find, everything is fine.
Now the box is bigger.
Why not just lead and draw a bigger box to begin with? What’s not possible at this point?
It is estimated that we make 35,000 decisions per day.
Which means most of our decisions we make are of little thought or consequence.
At lunch today, if we eat the soup or salad, it won’t matter. At least, we won’t remember it a month from now.
We go. We move forward. With time. But there are a few decisions that we make that drives us toward our day to day decisions.
The question is: Are we conscientious of how we ended here? Are we cognitive of the system we have built that are presenting the choices in front of us?
We wake up with a plan and then we go about our day following through. On a good day at least. And then something happens, we alter the plan, then continue.
Couple thoughts on this mindlessness we fall prey to:
We live out our day based on a few decisions.
Where I work eats up at least 40 hours of our lives every week. It potentially adds a commute (let’s just say hour and half each day). Your salary dictates where you live. Which effects where you kids go to school, where you recreate, how you exercise, how much debt you accumulate to keep up with the Jones’, who your neighbors are, what city you live in, who you vote for…and on and on.
But then a pandemic comes along. Smashing our best laid plans.
The alternative to making plans is to set commitments. Commit to a practice. And in 20 years, you have a large body of work. Despite a terrorist attack, a housing crisis, a recession or a pandemic.
The decisions we make send us on a path that we follow. Be careful which path you choose. And understand that even with the best intentions, life can come in with a hammer and smash them up. Often.
Pivot, pivot, pivot. Like paddling a river, you’re forced to keep making course corrections. Count on it. When one emergency ends, another begins.
A “No” doesn’t mean there is something wrong with your request.
We hear the words of the objection but do we actually listen to them?
What is the story behind it?
What are their hopes, their dreams, their fears, their worries, their pain?
Does your ask nudge them closer to the person they seek to become? If not, how can you alter your words to better align with someone else’s story.
Sometimes, it isn’t enough to say, “Please wear a mask to protect the people around you.” You could be more specific. “That person right there needs you to wear a mask, will you do it?”
Anonymous online behavior has changed us. If we can show you someone that you know, you are more likely to alter your behvior.
We won’t do it for everybody, but we will do it for someone.
Be human.
When I fall while climbing, as much as I don’t like it, I can’t change the laws of gravity.
It’s pulling. Constantly.
Wishing it would go away only causes more pain than necessary.
Most climbers spend an enormous amount of time thinking about falling. For good reason. But it also wasting energy that could be used to imagine the alternative. Sending.
When we are feeling sad for no apparent reason, it may be worth examining:
What attachments am I holding onto?
Attachment is the killer of joy. When we are attached to outcomes, we close the door of possibility.
For better or worst.
Something that blows spectacularly in our face isn’t a failure. It is a sign of courage.
Because those who never rush into things are cowards.
If you are not saying “Hell yeah!” with all the excitement and enthusiasm you can muster, then it’s probably not a project you should be doing. If you are saying No to most things and Yes to the few things that sparks joy, you are more fully able to commit.
Have the courage to run full steam ahead on the one thing you feel like you were born to do.
