If a dog walks into a middle of a board meeting, everyone is going to notice. Because we notice things change. We can’t help it.
We are often trained to then react to the world in order to improve our chances of survival.
For instance, we see storm clouds, we take shelter. The proactive part is deciding beforehand to build a place for refuge.
Indeed, when we invest time and energy into more resilient systems then we don’t have to rely on things always going right for us to make it.
Regardless of what happens next, we can choose to go forward. However, that is different than preparing for every scenario. You can’t. And frankly, you shouldn’t. The goal is resilient enough to get to the places we want to explore with our art without needing to abandon ship every time the wind changes.
Take the emotion out of it. Don’t stop because your heart isn’t into something anymore. Stop when you have reached the end. Is this the farthest you want to go?
Stop when the math doesn’t work. Are you out of time or money? Then it is time to call it quits.
Have a date. By this date at this time without these metrics, then we stop.
Does the story resonate with others? Perhaps the model isn’t right or maybe you have the right product/service but your timing is wrong.
Ignore the sunk costs. Perhaps, life’s hardest lessons to learn. The reason we stay in things longer than we should is that a loss hurts more than again feels good.
Are you waiting for something to break in your favor? What can you be doing that is productive in the meantime?
Nothing lasts forever. In fact, a project is a project because it has a finish line. You just might need something to point to that says, “We did this.”
Are your relationships suffering around you? If yes, it is time to re-evaluate priorities.
How long have you been going? 5 days? 5 weeks? 5 years? 5 decades? Have you really given this project the time it is needed to grow? Often, things may be working but not at the speed you want them to.
What is the goal? How can you get there? Is there a path that you just can’t see yet?
Are you hiding? Are you tired of the Resistance? Are you just saying it is too big or impossible to do? Are you in the dip? What is the thing you are most afraid of doing? Go do that.
Recently, I have been learning a bit more about Buddhism. The thought hit me: How come every major religion is founded by a man? Where are all the women? After some investigating, here is the list of founders of every major religious tradition.
According to Wikipedia, out of the list of 106 founders before 1800 AD, all of them were men except for one. Mother Ann Lee with the Shakers movement in 1774.
That’s it.
Out of the 93 since then, only 9 religious movements have been led by women in the modern era.
I don’t think it’s because God doesn’t talk to women. But it is worth asking why don’t more women start religious movements?
Indeed, culture–the invisible lines that cause people like us to do things like this–is such a powerful force that it even favors who can start a religion the last couple thousand years.
Ask yourself where are all the women? Where are the LGBTQ+? The BIPOC community? Immigrants? Refugees? The physically-challenged, mentally-challenged, the-handicapped, disadvantaged, limited, disabled? Orphans?
Who is representing these groups?
How can a place be inclusive if you look at the fabric of the leadership (and its founders and members and customers) and only see those of the dominant class in power and participating?
It was only 80 years ago, during the segregation era business owners were allowed to post signs like this:
Sure, today, most anyone can join a club or walk into places like a pool or grocery store and not be excluded. Outright racism shouldn’t be tolerated. But what I am talking is to do more than just allow anyone to walk in your door but to welcome everyone through. It’s not good enough to not be a racist but to develop a posture of anti-racism (or anti-sexism for that matter).
Recently, I had an experience taking a family member skiing for the first time. She is black. And there are no words for how disappointed I am in the ski community. There are obvious hurdles of gear, ticket prices, environment including altitutude and parking. Things we expected. By the time you get through those, you are hit with another layer of frustrated employees trying to keep it together with limited resources. You feel like you did something wrong with how they talk to you. From misunderstanding the rental procedures (where they admitted is a terrible interface for online rentals) to when instructors asked us to move after she fell in front of the lift. At one point, someone had accidentally stolen this family member’s rental gear. When talking to the rental department their first reaction is “we are not responsible for lost gear and you will be charged if it isn’t returned by the end of the day.” To demonstrate how rare this is the shop tech said it had only happened eight times all season. To think of the tens of thousands of rentals that have happened. Thankfully, the person who accidentally took the skis returned them and it sorted itself out. But I can’t imagine the conversation going well of accusing the only black person on the mountain stealing their rental skis.
There are unlimited ways to talk to people. Some invite possibility while others crush hopes.
Truly disappointing to see a group that claims to be a bit more “woke” do this. Am I mad at the multiple interactions with people making 13 bucks per hour–of course not. It is a system, invisible lines, and culture at work. It was a BIG deal for her to be there and fortunately was an experience she will not forget. (She road the bunny hill top to bottom on her own by the end of the day without falling. The smile on her face alone delighted my soul.) But while I was shocked at this interaction this was just a Saturday for her.
Those in power must have more awareness. When there is only one black customer walking through your door, you might want to 1) treat different people differently and 2) ask why is it that only one black person is going to participate in this amazing sport. (I think #1, in particular, will ruffle some feathers. No, treating everyone the same isn’t the same as equitable.)
It isn’t just with skiing. In Utah, we have got to examine who we elect, what policies are in place and need to change, judges, police officers, leadership positions at major companies, housing, the dominant religion, education…
We all have blind spots. Some of ours are much larger than others when you are only used to looking at the world through one lens.
You know the feeling. How did I end up right back here.
Neurosis is a bit of an outdated term made famous by Jung and Freud but it means the “poor ability to adapt to one’s environment, an inability to change one’s life patterns, and the inability to develop a richer, more complex, more satisfying personality.” Basically, neurosis highlights the underlying fear and anxiety people have about change.
Instead of finding ways to walk forward, we instead get caught walking in the same circle hoping for different results.
Change isn’t exclusive. It’s often more inclusive than we give it credit for. Anyone spending an hour a day on Facebook can now use that hour to instead challenge their status quo.
This is a terrible piece of advice. But it’s what we say in our culture. Actually, it is what we are comfortable saying at the table. I mean, how are you going to argue with someone finding happiness?
By doing what makes us happy we are essentially pushing all the bad feelings away and running towards the good ones. When things are not working I can always run to money, cars, sex, drugs, friends, a better job, even art to make me happy.
Consumerism has been indoctrinated, ingrained in our culture. The problem is that hole can’t be filled. We always want more or something someone else has got. When someone has everything they often feel hollow and empty inside. There are lots of people with money that are poor.
The alternative is to learn to sit with the feelings we have. The good, the bad, the ugly. To become an observer of our feelings. To breathe and become mindful of our thoughts and actions. To think about our thought patterns. And to become really acquainted with who we are.
Not to walk to find peace but instead, to be at peace with every step. There is no search. Start right here, right now where you are.
Escaping one prison leads to another. A larger one at least.
Someone living on $2 per day on the brink of starving would very likely trade it in for the job you can’t stand to go to each day.
How then do we not switch from one cage to the next?
I wish there was an easy answer. So, it seems, that it is a paradox.
But I will say, that being free has a physical component and a psychological one. Perhaps, breaking the bonds of the physical world, we can transcend the existential. At least, when we jump out of the system and really examine the worlds we have imagined, we are at least tapping into something only humans can do–to think about our thinking.
Imagination has no boundaries. Perhaps then, we can erase the cages we have built.
Humans struggle to love each other unconditionally. It isn’t in our nature. (Actually, what’s unusual is how much we love people.)
It’s easy to love something small like a baby. But once someone has hurt us it is difficult to give them the benefit of the doubt. Deep down many of us struggle to accept that someone is doing the best they can.
How can we love people unconditionally with all the atrocity? History is riddled with horrible things. The world is full of it.
How then do you believe we can do better with the track record we have left behind?
Difficult question. This is why when Jesus said to turn the other cheek or when Gandhi led a nonviolent resistance or when MLK Jr. says “I have a dream…” or when Mandela was locked away for 27 years we listen. We listen because we are amazed at the level of forgiveness one can dig to heal wounds.
Bridges are not built with engineers. They are built with visionaries who cared about the peace that comes when the violence ends more than the hurt they felt. And not just the people that occupy the earth but the ones who will inherit it.
Syncretism is the act of combining and merging ideas. A simple example of this is American food. You could pull up Door Dash and choose between Asian Tacos or Mexican Pizza under the umbrella of “American cuisine”.
It isn’t just with food either but different schools of thought have been merging into our politics, religions, and education systems.
Because with everyone on the internet and a connected globe, you can’t be helped but be influenced by what you see. If someone is doing it better, why not do it better too?
The problem isn’t the emergence of new ideas. The problem is how receptive one is to them. Because each idea is different from what was we are used to.
To be sure of the path we have taken that has gotten us here is rigid. There are many paths that can get us to where one wants to go (and who is to say where we have ended up was the place we wanted all along). Are we really so certain about the ideas and belief systems we have adopted or could we be wrong? There are many ideas we never embrace because we are afraid of the consequence of the world we have created. Often, the choice is left to pick between one or another. In reality, the world is wide enough where both ideas are sometimes acceptable.
Josh Allred's Blog 