Josh Allred's Blog

The need for a specific outcome can change so much of our behaviors.

Shortcuts are obvious. People make shortcuts under duress with a deadline. Of course, not all shortcuts are harmful, either.

Blind spots occur when we are unwilling to understand the engineering or how something works. They are made worse when we are short on discretionary time.

When time and resources are available, we can become curious about what will happen next. We may be surprised by how things work out. Instead of leaning on our expectations, we can make room for our imaginations.

It’s hard to remember the last time I played catch with my dad. And I don’t know when my last blog post will be either. I just know someday it will be over too.

Because everything ends.

The point is that one day will come, and it will be the last time we do something. The thing is, most of the time, we don’t know when something will be the last time.

We don’t always get a goodbye. In fact, it might be a privilege to get one.

Most of us are not great communicators. We think we are. But, too often, we fall into these common pitfalls:

1. We focus on what we will say next instead of listening to what the other person says.
2. “I’m not sure.” Instead of holding space for uncertainty to put words to how we feel, we just say something. We struggle with the tension of empty space and quickly fill it.
3. The culture is unforgiving when we don’t know the answer. Worse, I am afraid, we don’t want to appear as someone who changes their mind. The flip-flopper loses status, which is really annoying. We should be seeking to change our minds often.
4. We favor certainty over curiosity.
5. The lost art of patience. We have become so accustomed to “Just Google it” that we get so used to immediate answers that we are not used to the speed of our peers. Convenience is the hallmark of this era, and it bleeds into our communications. (Why send a sentence about how we feel when an emoji will suffice?)
6. We lack the vocabulary to say how we really feel.
7. We try to use data instead of focusing on changing the emotion of a room. Data rarely changes our minds; it reinforces them.
8. We are bad at evaluating risk. Public speaking is one of our greatest fears, yet most people associate it with physical harm. We need to understand the emotional risk of getting something wrong. It is not the same as scaling a cliff without a rope.

Communication is a skill. Like any skill, you can get better with more miles.

Staying in a relationship too long or working through med school knowing you can’t stand it—the wrong path is still the wrong path regardless of our intentions.

The saying goes, “The longer you stay on the wrong train, the more expensive it is to get home.”

The path is rarely straightforward. But it doesn’t mean it is zig-zagging, either. Sometimes, we must reverse course altogether.

A birthday surprise is challenging to pull off. Mainly because the person knows it’s their birthday to begin with. There are expectations that surprises can come at any moment.

But when we are surprised by the results of an election, it’s most likely that we weren’t paying attention to the signs. This might say so much more about the content of your algorithm and the social media that you consume—that our expectations didn’t match what was happening.

Predicting the behavior of the masses will always be a surprise. So much depends on how we feel, what we truly believe, and what we want to signal. And we seek the outcomes that match who we think we are.

When we are so used to having clean water come out of the tap, we can forget that this is a modern-day miracle.

The same is true about democracy. That we all can take for granted that institutional power has a purpose. Because these places didn’t always have it. Now, of course, that power can be abused. No question. But there is a balance in power and accountability that cannot be achieved when complacency takes hold.

Power always goes unchecked when we ignore what is happening.

To the engineer, they think they are producing drawings for the new Ford.

To the factory workers on the assembly line, they may think they are assembling an engine.

To the customer, they may think they are purchasing a product.

Each step along the line something is being produced. Something tangible.

But on Wall Street, it’s often profits. When we look at things through the lens of digits on a screen, we forget what goes into making things.

Money continues to turn into something less tangible. And unfortunately, the user experience can further drive us apart.

Working and living conditions dictate so much of the results one can produce.

If the focus is constantly trying to make things safe, then you have no time to make things better.

The best work is when safety is established. Obviously, physical safety but for most it is the emotional space to be safe when mistakes are made.

It’s easy to fix the negative side of things.

Getting older, for instance, can be a terrifying thought—until you realize it’s also a privilege.

This art of reframing changes not only our feelings but also how we see things.

Don’t say yes until:

You understand the intended consequences.

When you understand, there are unintended consequences.

That you’ve built a system you can rely on when things fall apart.

That you have a process to push things forward.

You realize people make mistakes.

You’ve read the fine print.

If you can’t build any slack in this decision, perhaps the answer isn’t to take a step back. “Not yet” is a way to go until you’re ready.