Driving down the road without paying attention and narrowly avoiding an accident should make us stop texting and driving. Consequences, indeed, shake us into compliance and can change behavior.
The unfortunate thing about change is that we rarely do something radical without something radical happening to us. Perhaps the thing we must understand about ourselves is then why it is so hard to break the habit of complacency. Where have we become so used to driving without thinking?
Most neighborhoods (whether intentionally or not) are designed to isolate us. We have to commute to most jobs, fences draw the lines, Amazon and DoorDash eliminate the need for grocery shopping, Zoom allows us to skip seeing our coworkers, and many simply don’t engage in civic duties outside of presidential elections.
There’s less and less reason to talk to your neighbors.
When we don’t engage in the community, we feel less of a need to be part of it, which further isolates us.
When the community fails, community problems also fall by the wayside. We become complacent in trying to keep up with the pace of the digital world; we assume the basics should work properly, like institutions and ideals (such as democracy). And then, it fails. (Slowly then suddenly.)
This means someone else must come in to solve our problems—something larger, less personal, and more disconnected—someone who doesn’t know how things are done around here. And rarely, does that mean we are happier with the results.
A new study suggests that venting doesn’t reduce anger. Instead, it is calming activities such as meditation.
This makes sense when you consider your own personal experiences. So the question is, why do we vent, then?
We think venting makes us feel seen, but venting doesn’t change our circumstances. I suspect that most venting sessions are for us to work out how we feel, which means we are venting for the wrong reasons most of the time.
The things that people are willing to knock on your door for, give you a call, or pay to see you—are the problems you are good at solving.
Sometimes, we can think, “I’m not a good problem solver.” We don’t say, “I’m good at solving a particular problem.”
Remember…
The chef who caters to the holiday meal, the mechanic who changes the oil, and the Amazon driver who delivers packages are also skilled at solving problems.
We are all in the problem-solving business.
Just because you are not wrong doesn’t mean you are right.
Remember, two things can be true at the same time.
From an outsider’s perspective, we can look at someone going through a hard time and think, “What are they waiting for?” The thing is, most of us know what we are going to do when faced with a difficult decision. Often, we delay making the decision, hoping things will change. What we are waiting for isn’t more data or circumstances to change. We are waiting to get more comfortable with the uncomfortable path ahead.
We should feel responsible for our decisions. However, the more accountable you feel, the worse you feel when you make a mistake. The inverse is also true. It’s a seesaw. The thing to think about is how much control does one give in order to feel better about themselves?
Triggers and cycles are important understand. There are good triggers that get you out of bed or on the treadmill. And there are less than desirable triggers like a doom scrolling addiction.
All of these triggers lead to an action. So when we are sitting down getting ready to do our best work, we can find the triggers that lead us to something productive. We can put the phone away before we sit down. We can put a record on that inspires us.
Find the triggers that send you to the places that you want to go.
The idea here is not to give up. It’s not over.
When the book is rejected, write another.
When the career doesn’t work, find another.
The scale of the problem can become so overburdening that it can cause us to shrink. “I am just one person; what can I do?”
To this, I say, grab a shovel. Get to work. Find something somewhere to contribute.
In a world that continues to become more complex, sometimes the answer to the problem isn’t to simplify it but to close the gap in understanding. That systemic problems are not individual. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t responsible for doing better.
It’s incredible how much better we would feel if we could only contribute. If you are worried that democracy is failing, join a movement, donate a few bucks, volunteer, and go to sleep knowing you are doing your part.
Spending time worrying about the problem never solves it.
Josh Allred's Blog 