How do people navigate life’s decisions when everything is relative? We want to have something to anchor ourselves to. Perhaps it is clarity, certainty, or safety. But going in a direction is all about a point of view. Because there is no direction in space, which makes it difficult to navigate anywhere. Picking a course without a reference point is taking a guess. We have to pick something somewhere to know where it is we want to go. That choice is yours.
The art of gift giving is to give without any attachment. No reciprocity, no status, no thank you in return, no warm feeling of doing something worthwhile–nothing. Why? While it is difficult to truly give a gift and have no attachment, it is even more difficult for the receiver not to feel the social pressure to pass it along. The community will then grow closer together as gifts are passed along freely. The irony is that for thousands of years, tribes were structured around this concept and thrived. Which teaches us that this pursuit of more should cause us to pause. More isn’t the answer. Since appetites tend to grow, not shrink. The answer isn’t the opposite of less. The answer is to give. Give your time, talents, resources, attention, emotional labor…as a result bring the community together.
Some of my favorite tools:
For clothing and accessories, you cannot go wrong with Stance Socks; lots of miles of walking, they are my go-to for comfort and style. Since I switched to SAXX Underwear, I quit chaving in the heat. If you are not using Superfeet Insoles, you’ll be paying the price down the road. Thursday Leather Belts to keep your pants up. It’s a timeless look.
For technology, I use Claude by Anthropric for almost an hour daily to help solve problems and improve my writing. (And yes, I think for most people it is much better than ChatGPT.) GoodReads to keep track of books I want to read. Speaking of books, Libby is a library app that allows users to check out audiobooks. After years of listening to Spotify, I finally got on the train for Apple Music and Podcasts. Once you go Lossless, you can’t go back. I also enjoy having separate apps for music and podcasts. Apple Health is a game changer. I love how I can keep track of my steps, and every time I visit the doctor, it updates my results, creating trends. Stava, of course, “if it isn’t on Strava, it didn’t happen.” The FarOut app is an interesting idea (potentially game-changing) for trail users; it provides up-to-date information on trail sources, such as how fast the water is flowing for a resupply. The NPS and Recreation.gov app are essential for scheduling the next family vacation. For Wasatch locals, the Wasatch Backcountry Skiing app (even if you are hiking) is necessary. The new UAC app is usable now.
A reminder that when money is tight, it doesn’t necessarily mean no spending: eBay, Facebook Marketplace, and KSL are all great resources. One man’s trash is another’s treasure.
Finally, psyllium husk gets an uptake of fiber to stay regular and has some positive benefits on diabetes and cholesterol. Make sure to drink 10 oz of water with it.
The other side of any coin of choices is consequences. The two go hand in hand. Even when the option is to do nothing, there’s still an outcome.
We focus so much on imagining all the scenarios, dwelling on the worst, that we forget to flip the coin for action. Knowing when it is time to stop analyzing and when it’s time to act is a skill. Like any skill, we get better and better with experience.
Imagine someone flipping a coin over and over again. Choice. Consequences. Choice. Choice again. Consequences. More consequences. We have more choices than we realize. But there are always consequences. Consequences, however, shouldn’t change how we approach a coin flip.
Sometimes, the difference between right and wrong is in the eye of the beholder. It’s exercising the benefit of the doubt. When someone who is going hungry steals bread from the market, it is now justified behavior. (To some, Aladin became a hero; to others, he was a street rat.)
This complicates ethics—the balance between the rule of law, justice, peace, and quality of life. The fine print isn’t helpful when no one reads it. Second, third, and fourth chances don’t matter when someone lacks the knowledge or resources. Our justice is not the same as someone else’s. A person in a position of power, of advantage—can do a better job of understanding. Not be annoyed when someone is doing something we couldn’t imagine themselves doing.
Remember: you might have been taught to wait on the marshmallow, knowing a second one is coming. Someone without resources may find it very reasonable to take what’s before them.
While it may be tempting to be the bystander, police, judge, or jury—we are seduced to believe we can wear all hats at the same time—it is far more effective to wear just one. And if we have to choose one role, perhaps the best role we can be is the kind of citizen who spreads empathy. It is not near the glamor since there isn’t a title, but it is far more potent of a position to take.
Or “liability,” “risk,” “exclusion,” or even “mental health.” These words have often become buzzwords to halt discussion or discord. If perfect safety were the goal, we would never leave the house, drive a car, keep ourselves in bubble wrap, never raise our hand, and just stay low. And it gets worse: with or without bubble wrap, no one makes it out of here alive. (COVID pointed out that this isn’t how we can sustainably live.)
The question shouldn’t be, does this purpose risk, uncertainty, or danger? Because the answer by default is always Yes. We have now created a place to hide when this tension arises. A better question, or at least a more productive one, is to ask: What kind of risks are we willing to take? We have swung the pendulum so far that, like much of our culture, we have turned the decision-making over to someone else. We don’t want to be risk assessors or takers, so we can stay, no, play it safe, and we won’t get in trouble, we won’t get sued, if we exclude everyone, there can’t be a problem for someone to complain. By avoiding problems, we inherit new ones. The answer can’t always be, “What’s safer?” Instead, we can adopt this posture (and perhaps have the bravery) to ask, “What’s better?”
Recently, I talked to a 3rd grader who was disappointed they couldn’t even put a book club together in their school. The principal said there were problems in the past; someone could be excluded, so it wasn’t an option. Of course, you don’t need a school to start a book club, but we wonder why the culture feels off when we are too afraid that someone might be offended. Multiply this a million times across the culture, and we are faced with a mental health crisis in our hands. In the short run, staying home and putting kids in front of a screen feels safer, but that doesn’t mean it is actually safer in the long run. In the words of Hunter S. Thompson, “All the hallmarks of a dangerously innocent culture.”
Ultimately, no parks would ever be built if everyone had to agree beforehand what they should look like or how much they should cost. But we don’t want to live in a world without parks either.
Diet or zero-sugar sodas seem like an outstanding market response: our customers are getting fat or developing diabetes, so let’s create a soft drink that limits the harm.
Instagram is now unrolling Teen Accounts. “Sorry for causing so much harm, but here are some guardrails.”
As consumers, we have to start taking control back into our hands. The response shouldn’t be “Well, this isn’t good for my mental health, but here this other thing that is a little less harmful.” A warning sign around an electric fence should be enough of a cue to follow but often it isn’t enough. It’s still harmful. Until we stop clicking or paying attention, the market will find a way to make a dollar. And if we can’t make companies accountable (no easy feat), we must make ourselves accountable (also no easy feat either).
Let’s at least start calling it what it is: Diet soda is still soda. Instagram Teens is still social media. An e-cigarette is still a cigarette. “Eco-friendly” doesn’t mean it is good for the environment.
It is worth pointing out that there is this false sense of comfort in harm reduction.
Which is scary to think about, but worth understanding. The temptation to do things against our self-interest is easy in a moment of weakness. Which is why we can continue to consume junk food media, even though we know it isn’t good for our mental health. The same can be said about saving for retirement. The list of examples is endless. But why do we do it? Because in the end, when willpower fails, we tell an underlying story that says, “Just this one time.” Of course, one time throughout many times adds up. It is difficult to imagine what tomorrow looks like without certainty. It is, however, more challenging to see what is happening in the moment. Ultimately, one piece of candy doesn’t add up to much. Making the moment much more tantalizing to bargain with.
When one is stuck, the instinct is to look for someone to escape this jam. Rarely do we think to pick ourselves. It is not because we are not capable of doing what needs to be done. It is because there is comfort without having to go it alone. When you pick yourself, there is no one else to blame. You have to take the responsibility, the consequences, and the credit.
What we can do is have enough light to take one step into the dark. Then another. And then another. Pretty soon, you will be on your way.
I don’t know how often I have given this advice to non-profit founders or clients. But there is something about the quiet assurance, “You can do this,” that can be enough to get going. It is incredible what a couple of steps forward can change our whole mindset. You don’t see yourself at one moment as doing what needs to be done, and then the next, you are that person. All that it takes to be an artist is to make art. That’s it. Go.
Indeed, humans love themselves more than any other person in this world. And yet, we care way more about other people’s opinions than our own. Wanting to fit in is a powerful cultural phenomenon with severe impacts. Thousands of years ago, if we were kicked out of the tribe, it could mean death.
Today, however, we are misaligned in that we can find happiness on our own. Happiness is shared. At the end of the day, people are all we have. But there is a reason why we care so much about what others think about us. What’s important is recognizing why and acting accordingly. Does losing this job mean I will be thrown out of my tribe? Probably not.
Josh Allred's Blog 