It’s worth noting that each of us has a limited capacity for action. This isn’t the same as the capacity to care. Caring and action can indeed go hand in hand. But we can’t assume that people who don’t take action also don’t care too.
If you have the ability, focus the frustration on those with the power to change things, not on those who also suffer.
The funny thing about the weather is that it gives us something to complain about constantly. It’s too hot. Too cold. No snow! Too much snow (now I have to shovel). And of course, when it’s perfect, we know it will end.
It tells us something about human nature—life will never be good enough until we accept what it truly offers. The good. And the bad. And the banal.
What’s interesting about owning a car is that you have the right to prevent anyone from entering it or using it. And yet, you can’t drive it anywhere you want.
You are told where you can or can’t park. The speed is regulated. You can’t drink and drive (obviously).
Ownership is treated with a sacredness in our culture. But there is nothing absolute about it. Making us very possessive in our culture. I suspect it’s because deep down we like to kid ourselves about our rights.
When it’s profitable (and cheap) to trash the environment, we push the costs to someone else. Sometimes that person isn’t even born yet.
The problem with capitalism is that we have decided to measure it using numbers like GDP, which doesn’t reflect the well-being of the people who make up the economy, just the money spent. GDP goes up when there are wars, when everyone has a car, when healthcare is expensive, and so on.
Part of the challenge we face is fixing the incentive structures so that bad behavior isn’t rewarded. But it’s easier said than done.
The state can ban a major corporation from buying housing. But it doesn’t stop someone from opening up 20 different LLCs to purchase 20 houses and build a mini real estate empire.
We meet a second problem once we recognize the first. We run into the system of obscurity, rules, regulations, studies, and so on. We lose momentum, get lost in paperwork, or get lost in red tape or laws.
In the long run, the incentive structures will shape how we behave. The short run is difficult to endure because we are not on the same timeline as when we see this change finally take effect.
We inherit the world we build.
Awkwardness may be a sign of how we behave that doesn’t rhyme with the world around us.
But it might mean the story we have told about that person. Perhaps there is nothing awkward about them, you just couldn’t let go the one version you saw of them.
Each of us are many versions of ourselves. At the same time. Through the eye of the beholder.
“I don’t care” is a confusing thing to say in our culture today. Perhaps, misunderstood. What we probably mean to say is “I don’t have the capacity to do much about this.”
It’s impossible to fix all the wrongs in the world. When you study history, one thing that repeats over and over again is injustice. There is lots of injustice in our world.
I’m not so sure this is even the right approach. What I see today is a recipe for burnout. Fueled by the algorithm to enrage each of us. To click like and subscribe. Share and thumbs up. All to keep us on the hook. A warped piece of entertainment. Sex and violence has always sold.
To clarify, when we witness injustice, we can begin to develop empathy. But empathy is an action word. When we actually do something about it. Otherwise, we are being sympathetic. Nothing wrong with sitting on the sidelines and cheering others on who are doing the work to fix a problem.
For example, nonprofit leaders work to alleviate the suffering of someone experiencing homelessness. Impossible, however, to also fight climate change too. And eliminating the debt of third world nations while building wells for clean water. You get to focus on one thing when you’re a nonprofit.
And the choice is the same for us: we get to do care about many things. Not everything. Not everyone. You probably can do something about a couple of those things after that. But it doesn’t mean you don’t have a heart just because you didn’t act on one of the things you care about.
Perhaps a better approach is to not scream after every injustice but to actually do something if you’re feeling that passionate about it. And I’m talking more than hitting a share button. Pick up the phone and call a senator. Write an email explaining your concerns. Vote. Submit public comments during opportunities. Stay informed during legislative sessions. Understand the local news. Speak to someone. Not anonymously. Donate your time and money. Start a nonprofit. Join a club. Serve.
The world has always been broken. And humans struggle to get out of their own way. But it is possible to live a full life despite the challenges we face. We can do both. And I think we need to give ourselves permission to do so too.
So much of our history is misunderstood (since conquerors wrote it). And if it wasn’t written down, it is often lost at this point. As a result, we lack an incomplete picture of who we are as a species. And the story we love to tell is a linear, complete story of how humans evolved. The truth is, we don’t know. And the truth is often messier than we realize. Far from linear. And far from complete. I think it’s a good thing. We are not so simple. We are full of surprises. And yes, it makes the future that much more exciting when we realize that humans during prehistory were just as interesting as we are.
The hits are something anyone can sing along to because they hear them on the radio. The algorithm pushes them to get everyone to like the same thing. But albums represent where the band is at that moment. There’s nothing wrong with being a fan of the song, but it’s vastly different from being a fan of the band. If it’s been a while since you listened to an album straight through, I recommend giving it a try.
(I’ll speak toward men on this post. But it certainly can apply to anyone.)
As you get older, you will see relationships fail. One of the problems I have observed is that men haven’t decided what kind of man they want to be.
For instance, if you are someone who makes a mistake and has a relationship outside of marriage; it could be a slip up. It could of been a series of bad decisions. It could be one bad moment. But often its because they haven’t decided who it is they want to be. To go further, if you know who you want to be, you will avoid certain types of situations in the first place. This goes beyond relationships, of course. Someone with the need to conquer will look for conflict.
So either it is:
A) You are either undecided.
B) You are decided but can’t admit it to yourself—which is even a worse type of self deception.
Pleasure is a strong pull for any person. And we need to decide what kind of person we will be when we interact with it or when the opportunity arises. When the pull for pleasure conflicts with your relationship, there is an out-of-alignment that will bear a high cost. The two are not mutually exclusive, regardless of how you treat them.
One last note: It is indeed interesting how far we as humans will go to avoid confronting our truths about ourselves. And the people around us suffer until we do. This is the danger of ego working.
This is the hallmark of our world today. We have so much stress that we are constantly trying to eliminate it. But the better path is learning how to deal with it. And here’s the thing about stress we don’t acknowledge enough: if you have a lot of stress, it is a testament of how much you can endure. Not a weakness.
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