They are very similar but with key differences.
Rules are shared. They are agreed on how we will play the game (in a relationship).
Boundaries guide our own behavior.
Expectations are how we wish others would treat us.
We often conflate these terms. The biggest problem is that we play by different rules than the person we are in conflict with, and then expect others to play by our rules to protect invisible boundaries that we haven’t announced to the world.
No matter how many times we are knocked down, we have to get up at least once more.
If we are knocked down seven times, we need to get up eight.
Competition is one way to organize. And it is encoded in the culture’s DNA. The bias of money, debt, corporations, government…It’s all survival of the fittest, as they like to say. And we see how far competition has taken us. Some would argue quite far and point to numbers like GDP as evidence. But these are false proxies for measuring a species’s well-being. Since the advent of capitalism, a million plant and animal species have gone extinct.
Perhaps we can ask ourselves then, is this the best way to organize ourselves? What would happen if competition became co-operation? What if we picked a different number to measure progress?
When we think we are due for a miracle, we will keep persisting for a sign. And so, we wait and wait. And you could be waiting for a very long time for something that may never come. I say damn the lotto winners. What can be done today is action. That doesn’t need permission to go do the thing that must be done.
Each bee has a role. They perform the role they are supposed to be when they are born. The lifespan of a bee is short. There is no time or luxury to hem or ha. What is clear is that we have way more choices than bees. And that kind of power is scary for most. While we can be envious that the path is defined for worker bees, we can also feel like worker bees when we don’t exercise the thing that separates us from the other animals—agency.
No one grows up thinking they will be a sellout. You grow up wanting to become an astronaut cause space exploration seems like a cool thing to do. And then one day, you are something completely different from what we imagined. And while circumstances will dictate what kind of endeavor you think you deserve, you are also worth more than you think.
Circumstances determine so much of our behavior.
And behavior determines so much of our circumstances.
It’s tempting to draw a line and decide how much responsibility one should take.
But a better approach is to recognize that they are coupled.
Better circumstances lead to better decisions, which lead to better circumstances, and so on—an upward spiral.
The same is true for a downward spiral.
Understanding something is easy. I can understand basic arithmetic, but once you live a life where you apply it, then another level of knowledge opens up.
Knowing something comes with experience. It may take 10 years before a lesson learned in the past actually begins to take effect.
We tend to dismiss how far someone is willing to go to endure a toxic relationship. That fear of worthiness or the fear of being alone can keep us frozen. Over time, that wall of endurance fails and can manifest in addiction or depression.
And what I’m trying to get out here is the pain that one feels is a known quantity. The pain someone could think is another. That unknown is enough to keep us where we’re at.
Halloween is done. You had to be there. Much of how we organize (concerts, live shows, in-person classes, the Super Bowl, etc.) is about being present in the moment to share with your friends. And while we can’t be everywhere all at once, it’s a reminder that getting candy isn’t the point. It’s that we are in this together.
Josh Allred's Blog 