Rules, boundaries, and expectations

They are very similar but with key differences.

Rules are shared. They are agreed on how we will play the game (in a relationship).

Boundaries guide our own behavior.

Expectations are how we wish others would treat us.

We often conflate these terms. The biggest problem is that we play by different rules than the person we are in conflict with, and then expect others to play by our rules to protect invisible boundaries that we haven’t announced to the world.