What choices you made then can be different now

A useful framing:

Your problem is ___________. You might have rigid boundaries, you might critize too harshly, you may be too passive, or quiet…perhaps a better way to look at this is why. Why are you the way you are? And one answer is when I was a kid I had to do this to survive. But now you are not a child, you’re an adult. We can honor why we make the choices to survive and we can also have permission to make different choices now.