Eight pitfalls of communication

Most of us are not great communicators. We think we are. But, too often, we fall into these common pitfalls:

1. We focus on what we will say next instead of listening to what the other person says.
2. “I’m not sure.” Instead of holding space for uncertainty to put words to how we feel, we just say something. We struggle with the tension of empty space and quickly fill it.
3. The culture is unforgiving when we don’t know the answer. Worse, I am afraid, we don’t want to appear as someone who changes their mind. The flip-flopper loses status, which is really annoying. We should be seeking to change our minds often.
4. We favor certainty over curiosity.
5. The lost art of patience. We have become so accustomed to “Just Google it” that we get so used to immediate answers that we are not used to the speed of our peers. Convenience is the hallmark of this era, and it bleeds into our communications. (Why send a sentence about how we feel when an emoji will suffice?)
6. We lack the vocabulary to say how we really feel.
7. We try to use data instead of focusing on changing the emotion of a room. Data rarely changes our minds; it reinforces them.
8. We are bad at evaluating risk. Public speaking is one of our greatest fears, yet most people associate it with physical harm. We need to understand the emotional risk of getting something wrong. It is not the same as scaling a cliff without a rope.

Communication is a skill. Like any skill, you can get better with more miles.