Expectations often define the limits of greatness.
The lost art, then, is how to set these things.
Too narrow, and we haven’t done anything innovative. We played it safe.
Too wide, which is usually the realm of something that has never been done before, which is not likely to happen. Maybe it could. But probably not.
The sweet spot is just a bit further than we think is possible. This is where discomfort and insecurity meet. It is the space for something great and something daring.
Who are we, indeed?
The flesh and bones? That’s one part of ourselves.
The brain patterns and decisions? That’s another.
What we create? What we consume?
This is at the heart of exploration. Not just the physical world but the internal one.
And since that space is undefined, we get to fill it. Which means its all invented.
The problem of miscommunication is that both sides can forget where they are going. One wants to go one way, the other another. So much time is wasted on how to get there that we forget that we are going to the same place to begin with.
These are the default settings. The things we have decided to organize around.
It’s neither good nor bad. It simply is or was chosen during the engineering process.
Too often, we are not comfortable playing with the dial or changing the settings, thinking someone else smarter than me probably knows better.
What we are really talking about is preference.
A way. Not the way.
First responders see the fire and go in. Most of us choose to stand by, run away, and make it someone else problem.
I’m not talking about a burning building.
Will you lead us? If not, who will?
A negative side effect of shame, insecurities, or comparison, you can’t say you are an author unless you are a “successful” one. Its easy when you have been featured on the New York Times Bestseller List. We struggle to say, “I’m an artist,” when we are not profitable. Because the other ways we measure are not easily quantifiable.
The list of areas we like to see get better is far longer than the list of things we do well. In the toxic words of fictional serial killer, Patrick Bateman, “You can always be thinner…look better.”
If we are going to compare something we have to have a unit of measure and something to compare it to. Far too often, what we are really asking does it make money? It’s an undertone and a byproduct of a world that put to the center markets.
We have to figure out what makes us happy. Because if we continue to put money at the center, which based on an economy of growth and more, then we are going to run without much meaning at the center.
I don’t find it a coincidence that in an economy that is based on growth there is such a high demand on personal growth.
In basketball, you don’t step under the feet of shooters or dive for loose balls that undercut someone; when a defender is in the air that bought the pump fake, you don’t “shoot,” you don’t run up the score once the game is decided…and so on.
It’s considered a good sport even if the rule isn’t written.
The beauty of these rules is that we follow them because we are assuming the best of each other.
In our culture today, we forget all the unwritten rules that make society great and function. We also need to remember to teach others so that we never forget them.
I just picked up a skateboard again—the first time in 20+ years. I was having a conversation with a friend about how once people hit their 30s, they feel this pressure to fit in, to “act their age.”
To me, skateboarding has been a place of refuge—a community where I can find and connect with others like me. I have found it far less in the climbing community over the years. For better or worse, it has changed, and the people don’t resonate with me like they used to.
Part of growing up is seeing these changes. But it is optional to fit in with the rest.
No one cares what you look like.
Well, that’s not true.
They just don’t care as much as you do.
Because the boss doesn’t follow up asking how the meeting went wanting to know if the sales person had achne.
No one is saying don’t shower or put on a fresh shirt. We just don’t need to spend hours on end fretting about one small detail when putting our best selves forward.
It’s our best self, not our perfect selves.
“I’ll show them.”
This can be fuel to get you started. But to stay in something for the long term, you need to be in the game for the right reasons.
The right reason usually starts from a place of love.
Josh Allred's Blog 